"It was easy before Lina was born," said Teri, "or I should say easier. It's not like I ever saw myself actually marrying someone who eats meat - especially not someone who eats as much meat as he does! But it's a bigger problem now, because Lina loves her daddy, and she wants to do everything he does, including eating knockwurst!"

Teri's frustration is not unique. As the popularity in vegetarianism rises and becomes mainstream, more and more mixed families are being created. I interviewed several parents to get their advice on getting along and growing as a family.

1. Set your boundaries together.

For Teri and her husband, the most important ground rule was "No eating meat in the house."

When we eat out, " explained Teri, "he can eat whatever he wants, and Lina knows that's Daddy's special food. But at home, I want her to be able to share Daddy's food without my going crazy!"

All my interview subjects agreed: families need to figure out their own boundaries. Is meat allowed in the house? Should it only be ordered at restaurants? Who does the cooking ? What about holiday meals where meat is traditionally served? Having some ground rules can make things easier for everyone.

2. Figure out what your family values will be concerning food.

Lori's husband was a vegan when she met him. "he was a member of PETA and everything," Lori said. Her husband's feelings about the humane treatment of animals wee so strong that he convinced Lori, and she became vegan, too - until she got pregnant.

"I was so hungry when I was pregnant! I started sneaking milk for lunch when I was at work' and then one day I broke down and had a turkey sandwich." When Lori confessed to her husband, he was extremely upset.

"I told him that I agreed with him about being vegetarian, but I didn't think I could be vegan anymore."

As they talked more about the issue, they realized that what they shared was a deep concern about the way that animals are treated on factory farms. The compromise that felt true to their family values was this: Lori eats eggs and milk, but they buy them from a local farmer who raises free-range, organic animals. Lori's husband is still a vegan. Their daughter, Zoe, now 3, is a vegan, too.

"We talk about the issue of animal cruelty a lot," said Lori. "I know that some people don't agree with us and think we sold out, but it works for our family, and that's what matters."

3. Develop a game plan for dealing with friends and relatives.

Larry's wife, Beth, was a vegetarian when they met. "I couldn't really bring myself to totally give up meat," said Larry, "but I have a lot of respect for Beth. She did change the way I eat; I don't eat meat nearly as often as I used to."

When their son, Elijah, now 2, was born, they both agreed that Elijah wouldn't eat meat, either. "it was great except when we went to my mom's house. She always acted like Beth was starving us or something. It's like she couldn't believe that I was ok with no having a steak at home, cooked by my obedient wife."

Because Beth tried to be respectful of her husband's family, she didn't feel that she could defend herself. Larry didn't know how difficult visits to his family were for her or how worried she was that her mother-in-law would try to feed Elijah meat. When they finally talked about it, Larry realized that he would need to stand up for his family's lifestyle.

"I could kind of laugh off my mom, but then she's my mom," Larry said. "it was harder for Beth, and so I started telling my mom to lay off. I even started giving her articles from "Vegetarian Baby & Child" so she would get it."

Now when they visit Larry's mother, they are a united front, and both are ready to defend the choices they've made for themselves and their son.

4. Be respectful even when you disagree.

Julie laughs when she remembers the effect her conversion to vegetarianism had on her family when her son Kyle was two months old.

"Here we were with this very young, brand new baby. Then I became really radical about vegetarianism, you know, preaching with all the conviction of the newly converted! I would just lecture my husband all the time. Every time he ate anything I didn't approve of, like meat or processed food - especially soda pop - I would lay into him."

Instead of convincing Julie's husband of the error of his ways, her nagging made him defensive. Julie said that as a result his diet got even worse, and by the time Kyle was ready for solids, the battle wasn't just over her husband's diet, it was also over their son's.

"He wanted to take him to McDonald's in the worst way, and I, Of course, was livid! One day when Kyle was about a year old, I came home from work and found him eating fries with his Dad, and I just flipped out!"

Several angry, tearful hours later, Julie realized that their problem was not that they disagreed, but that they couldn't see the other's point of view. "I still don't agree with him, but I respect that he's a grown man and can make his own decisions and that Kyle is his son, too. My compromise is that Kyle can eat fries three or four times a year, but that's it. I don't like it, but I understand that it's Dan's way of bonding and it's important to him."

Julie finishes by saying, "Now we talk about things reasonably and have to say that, except for those occasional French fries, everybody's diet has improved, including Dan's."

5. Be flexible. Life changes things.

When Martha met her husband, her convictions bout vegetarianism helped persuade him to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle. Ten years and two children later, something changed.

"Dave is now a vegan," Martha said, "which is pretty amazing when you consider that I used to be more gung-ho about the whole thing." Martha said that originally Dave's veganism was hard for her. "I felt guilty about it, especially because in the past few years I've been known to eat a bite of turkey at Thanksgiving."

Both Dave and Martha had to reassess how they were handling food, holidays, and the reactions of friends and family. "Because I was eating a little turkey, my mom decided that meant the kids could have some, too. We put a quick stop to that!"

Their oldest child, Nicholas, 8, is a vegan like his father. Little sister, Kay, 5, is a vegetarian. "nick rally looks up to his dad and I think that's great," said Martha. "I always cook a dinner that all of us can eat, and Dave and Nick are pretty understanding when Kay and I splurge on ice cream. I think it all works out."

6. look for support wherever you can get it.

All the families interviewed say that having supportive friends helps, especially because folks on both sides of the issue - vegetarians and non-vegetarians - can be critical. "My strict veg friends don't understand why I tolerate things with Dan, "said Julie. "But my friends who used to be veg or who are in a similar situation get it. That helps because I sometimes have mixed feelings about it, too."

"I have a lot of veg-friendly friends," said Lori. "In fact, that's what we say at my La Leche League group's potluck: 'Please bring veg-friendly treats!' Even though we might not all be strict vegetarians, we're all very supportive of the vegetarian lifestyle. It makes it easier for my husband to come to the potlucks where husbands are invited, and it's easier for me because I never have to worry about what Zoe's eating at a friend's house."

All the families I spoke with said tat coping can be hard, but they felt it was important that everyone in the family could count on his or her beliefs being respected.

Martha summed it up best when she said, "Mixed veg families are the ultimate melting pot! And in this family, we honor diversity!"

--Dawn is mom to Noah, who is growing up in a mixed-veg, interfaith household. So far he doesn't seem too confused! She is currently working on a book about pregnancy.