I'm a mainstream mom playing at a vegan lifestyle. Vegetarian cookbooks line my counter. Three of my four children never touch meat. My darlings insist on shampoo that's not animal tested. And they would have an absolute hissy if I even looked at a car with leather seats. But I can't go more than two days without eggs or dairy.

I try. I do. Last week I walked into the local bakery. I bought some pumpkin butter and some all natural applesauce. No more Land-O-Lakes on my toast or eggs in my batter. I was beaming as a proud new papa, pacing the waiting room, handing out cigars. Look at me. I'm a new vegan. Not just any old vegetarian. I don't eat ANY animal products.

Then came the bread. It would have been easier to give birth to triplets in the middle of Times Square. The choices lay before me as students at a graduation ceremony, all looking the same in their white caps and gowns and seemingly endless to the naked eye. "Do you have any made without milk or eggs?" I ask.

"Oh, we don't use eggs or dairy in any of our breads," the clerk assures. Piece of vegan cake, I think, a little prematurely. "What about those?" I ask, pointing to a couple of yummy-looking but especially shiny loaves. "Oh, we give those an egg wash. But none of the others," she adds, a little too quickly. I make my choice and ask to see a list of ingredients.

Noticing honey on the roll call, I query as to the other loaves. The line behind me grows. Turns out, the store used to use corn syrup because something about the bees, but the farmers have everything under control now and honey prices are coming down. Isn't that great? "Well, no, not really. I was looking for an alternative sweetener."

"Are you allergic?" she asks. Hmm, now that would be the easy way. But I just can't do it. Then I go into this long-winded explanation about how, no, I'm not allergic, but vegetarian and so are three of my kids, and I'm trying to see how hard it would be to leave out not only meat but also eggs and dairy for a few days, and do you have ANY bread that has absolutely no milk, eggs, or honey in it?

Then she's standing there staring at me, speechless, like I have flowers growing out of the top of my head. And I can tell she's thinking, well, jeez, what would be the point of that? But I stand my ground and she shows me one loaf. One loaf, that's it, that's totally vegan. I pull out the cash, ask for a bag, and slide out the door, feeling like I have just gotten on the school bus in nothing but my best Sunday underpants.

Once home, I unpack my goodies feeling somewhat defeated. Sure I had a successful hunt, but I was beaten by a little old lady in a green polo and apron. How could this continue? How could I ever go to the Little League field and ask for just nachos, no cheese? What about the ice cream social at school? How can I tell my neighbor her Christmas cookies don't stink, I just don't know what's in them?

I'm making baby steps. I know this. And I know that I'm taking my family with me. We're going in a positive direction even if we occasionally take the same step twice, or three or four times. From my tiny perch on my seat in life the task of improving our diets and living a more planet-friendly life seems nothing less than climbing the tallest mountain without rope or guide.

Daunting or not, however, I am comforted by the fact that I can make these changes at my own pace. That the vegetarian police aren't going to knock at my door and confiscate my Keds. That no one will tattle if I break out the Mister Clean. That every box of tofu I buy is one positive step toward a kinder, more healthful lifestyle for me and my family.

--Tammie, an at-home mother of four and vegan-wannabe, has her Masters in the field of Developmental Psychology. She enjoys living in her “mixed” family, part veg/part T-rex, and thanks very much her real life ovo-lacto niece for her I’m-gonna-change-the-world attitude. Her essays have appeared in Positively Woman and BusyParentsOnline.