My husband didn't look up from his book. "Ebola?" His voice was calm and bemused. "The virus that has ravaged African villages and killed all inhabitants thereof is to be found in our farmer's market tomatoes?"

"I think your mother means E. coli, the bacteria that are part of the natural flora of everyone's digestive system. There's a scare on TV these days about how the hamburger industry isn't solely to blame for all E. coli outbreaks. They are trying to blame organic vegetables fertilized with cow manure without telling the public the real truth behind the issue."

"Oh." Max rolls his eyes. "Television."

My husband doesn't watch television, so it is difficult for him to understand the extent to which most people depend on that sensationalistic, commerce-driven, shallow source of information. He finds it hard to understand how anyone can confuse a virus and bacteria. Max also doesn't interact much with his family, even his own mother, so I'm the one who has to field all the outside world's worries about our "alternative" lifestyle.

Besides alerting me to an African plague in organic food, my mother-in-law has besieged me about vegetarianism, breast-feeding, home-birth. Nothing mean and judgmental--just needling questions and endless misinformation that requires some effort on my part to clear up. I'm sure that even among the ancient Incas, some patient daughter-in-law was trying to answer the question "Why don't you sacrifice your firstborn to insure a good harvest like everyone else?" It's not easy being different.

I chose to let the Ebola warning lie, unanswered. Sometimes it's worth it to assume a public relations role between your family's life and the mainstream world; sometimes you've just got disengage from well-meaning family and friends. But the holidays are coming up, and old family tensions may be slamming the breaking point without some vigilance and effort on your part.

Here are some tips:

As Often As Humanly Possible, Be Nice

Huffiness, self-defensiveness, and wisecrack comebacks only direct attention to your own attitude and behavior, instead of keeping focus on the issue at hand. I know it's hard not to throw up your hands when someone asks, yet again, if your children are getting enough protein. Memorize stock responses, quote facts, and sprinkle statistics if you must, but mostly just practice a slight, knowing smile. Your own confidence will deter criticism. Imagine you're the seasoned politician before the press microphones. I'm serious--keep smiling.

Try Not to Embarrass Anyone

Chances are you know more about nutrition than anyone asking you what's wrong with having just one bite of the holiday ham once a year. If someone confuses Ebola and E. coli, doesn't know the difference between hydrolyzed fat and cholesterol, or insists that anchovy is a vegetable, don't bombard his or her ignorance with a sermon of correct information. You're likely to come off as a snob. Worse, you may become embroiled in a fruitless argument over something as inconsequential as whether or not kale, which your family likes and which your antagonist will never even recognize in the produce aisle in a million years, is a better source of calcium than milk. Often, antagonisms between people have less to do with what is being argued over than with old, deep-seated power struggles. Don't get sucked into power games. Your time is too precious.

Don't Give Away Too Much Personal Information

In other words, don't give potential critics fuel to belittle you. It's one thing to advertise your life choices as wholesome by practicing them openly and without reservation; it's quite another to set yourself up by telling a perfect stranger that the reason your toddler isn't eating the junk food at a birthday party is because she's tanked up on breast milk, and by the way, she still sleeps in our bed, it's all part of this wonderful practice known as attachment parenting, and ew, gross, can you believe our unsuspecting children are being served pesticide-ridden grapes at this party?

Stand By Your Principles

There is a time and place for direct confrontation. If someone is sneaking McNuggets to your child and saying that they're soy meat, spell it out in no uncertain terms that unless this behavior stops, there will be an appropriate logical consequence--such as Aunt Betsey can't take the kids on outings anymore. Ask if the turkey stuffing is indeed meat- or gravy- free, and expect an honest answer. If you have any reason to doubt information, don't eat the stuffing!

Appreciate All Gifts

This advice means not only does the holiday basket of sausage rolls and cheese logs necessitate a proper "thank you" to the giver but that you should be conscious that every conflict is a lesson and a gift to you and your children. Yes, even that time your kid told another kid that tapioca pudding looked like throw-up and made her cry, or the time you got into a yelling match with your brother-in-law over bacon bits in the salad, or the time you caused a commotion over refusing to attend the birthday party with pony rides because of the subjugation of the ponies--these occasions are all gifts. Conflict has a purpose, to help people better understand one another. Even the most regrettable happening can be looked back upon and learned from.

Peace Begins At Home

Our family is Jewish and subscribes to the concept of shalombayit. Roughly, that means peace begins in the home with the immediate family. As you receive over-priced, mass-marketed cards in the mail that spell the word "peace" in gold lettering and bear only a signature from this or that friend or relative, try to remember people send the message of good will and peace in the only ways they've learned to do so. The different, perhaps non-commercial, very humanitarian vegetarian messages you teach to your children and others, will have their desired effect, if more subtly than the fancy cards and gifts. My older child went through a period where he was clamoring for birthday and holiday presents similar to those of some of his friend's. We acquiesced only occasionally, not wanting to open the flood-gates of consumerism, but keeping the Pokemon DVD from Grandma within our value system as best we could. And guess what? Eventually the values of simplicity, conservation, and compassion won out. My son has been collecting dollar bills and coins from Hanukah and birthday gifts for a couple years now; it's all in a jar that he only opens to replenish, never to take out and spend. My husband and I were worried for a while there that he was being miserly or worse, that he was saving up for a Nintendo. But the other day I just happened to ask what he planned to do with all that money. He said, very simply, taking me by surprise and bringing tears to my eyes, "When I am grown up, there should be enough money there to give to all the poor people in the world." If only Grandma had heard those words, I think she would have smiled and gotten teary-eyed, too.